How to suck, and let go of perfection
On a recent summer afternoon, as I sat in my garden in what seemed to be a moment of bliss, I realised that I suck.
Since moving house a year ago, my Suck Score shot up rapidly as I tried to master the art of gardening and garden-related DIY, with average to bad results.
I wanted everything to be perfect; imagining my garden as a Versailles-like oasis of order and eternal blossom, with the fearful weeds collapsing at the mere sight of my gardening prowess and the snails and slugs bowing to my feet in a Louis XIV Sun-Queen-style cult.
I was mistaken. It turns out slugs and snails couldn’t care less about me or my beloved dahlias. The moment I planted them, the greedy molluscs started to feast; beheading the smaller blooms. The war was on. But try going to war as a nature-loving vegan, with broken eggshells and garlic potions as your only weapons. I remain defeated to date.
Speedy Seed was my second failure. When reshaping garden borders, I opted for these fast, efficient grass seeds for quick results - I’m still an impatient, rushed Londoner at heart. I would inspect the seeds every day after planting, as if in a military training academy, demanding them to grow faster. And they did. The snag was that they never slowed down. Inadvertently, I created double mowing work for myself at varied intervals, as only the Speedy Seed corners were shooting up, whilst the rest of the lawn grew at a leisurely pace.
So thoughtful were my gardening plans, that I even reserved a patch of soil behind a larger bush as my cat's outdoor toilet - a nice, shaded, private spot. Only to find him absentmindedly pooing all over what was supposed to be my masterpiece.
That's when I gave up trying to make things perfect – realising that I can't fight nature. Making peace with myself, I reclined in a hammock and intended to enjoy my imperfect garden. That moment lasted all of five minutes, as I started to sneeze uncontrollably, simultaneously scratching out my itchy eyes. My hay fever had kicked in, forcing me to make hasty retreat indoors. So much for enjoying my efforts!
The whole experience taught me a valuable lesson; to let go of perfection, and accept that some things take practice and we might have to suck before we get better. Maybe striving for perfection is a fallacy after all, not only in gardening but in life as a whole.
